Suicide mission
by Dark Fire Angel
Summary: What would you do if you would happen to get the chance to set any of the Slayers an 'imposible' mission? Which would it be? This fic allows you to do so! ^-~
1. School? Run for it!!!

Suicide Mission  
  
By: Dark fire angel  
  
  
  
DFA: *Walks in onto stage and waves* Hiya mina-san! I came up with the idea for this fic today ^-^ and I decided to put it on paper. Oh, before we start, I'll say that…*Lowers voice* Slayers don't belong to me… but don't tell them that, ok? ^-~ *Snaps fingers and the Slayers gang plus Xellos and Filia are suddenly teleported onto the stage, and they all look around with confused looks on their faces*  
  
Lina: What the hell? Where are we? *Suddenly sees DFA and pales* Oh no… it's HER!  
  
Zel: *Blinks at DFA and groans* If she's involved with this, it only means that nothing good can come out of it.  
  
DFA: *Giggles* Why I'm honored to have you all here! And they are honored too! *Points at audience who all have evil grins on their faces* I'm gonna explain what this is all about… *Gets interrupted when Xellos hovers above her and grabs the papers she's reading from* Hey! Those are mine!! Give em back!! *Glares at the mazoku*  
  
Xellos: *Smirks and opens an eye at DFA* Yare, yare… let me have a little look first!  
  
Dark angel: No!! *Grabs papers back* These are not meant for you to look at! *Suddenly smiles evilly* Oh Xelly? You ARE aware that I'm gonna have to punish you for that, right? ^-^  
  
Xellos: *Smile twitches ever so slightly* I'd love to see you try Angel- san. I doubt you'll be able to… but have a try at it anyway! *Continues to hover*  
  
Mina-san (Minus Xellos): *All gasp, 'cause they know what's coming up*  
  
DFA: Ok! Remember I've got you're permission! *Snaps fingers again, and Xellos disappears*  
  
Filia: Where did the Namagomi go? *Looks around* I can't sense him anymore. *Smiles* That's a good thing!  
  
DFA: As I was gonna say before Xelly rudely interrupted… *Coughs* This is 'Suicide mission' where each and every one of you will get put into a situation that the audience picks, while the rest of the gang watches from stage! *Holds up a crystal ball for all the Slayers to see* The first one to go is Xelly 'cause he annoyed me ^.~ after him, the audience will select whose gonna have to face their suicide mission next and what exactly It'll be..  
  
Amelia: You mean Xellos-san is in there? *Points at crystal ball*  
  
DFA: Humm… not actually, but almost! *Waves hand and crystal ball lights up, showing Xellos*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Else where… where Xellos happens to be)  
  
Xellos: *Takes a look around himself and finds he is at the…err… playground of a high school* Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? *Decides to look at his clothing and gasps when he realizes he is dressed with the snob-like uniform of the school* O.o Hey!!! *Takes a closer look still and depression lines appear when he notices that his body is younger… like that of a teenager's* ANGEL-SAN!!!! *Looks up at the sky* How could you?! Why am I dressed like this? And why the hell is my body like a teenager's?!  
  
DFA's voice (Telepathically): Sore wa himitsu desu, Xelly!! *Giggles* No, really… this is your suicide mission, little mazoku; you have to survive to one whole day of high school torment, and you can't use any of your mazoku powers 'cause I've blocked them, with a little help from Zellas, of course! *Zellas' laughter can be heard in the background* So good luck, Xelly! ^0^ I'll keep in contact like this! *Switches off*  
  
Xellos: *Depression lines get thicker* What am I gonna do… *He can't debate the current issue longer 'cause he gets grabbed by the shoulder* Huh? *Turns to find an old, mean looking teacher glaring at him*  
  
Teacher: You!!  
  
Xellos: *Eyes widen and reacts like anyone would have done in the presence of such a person* It wasn't me!! I didn't do it!! *Covers his face up with his arms, in an attempt to protect himself*  
  
Teacher: Kid, are you alright? *Sweatdrop* I only wanted to tell you that the bell had rung… I need you to go to class. *Turns to leave* Come on! Hop, hop! Get going!  
  
Xellos: *Blinks and makes no attempt whatsoever to go into the building*  
  
Teacher: *Heaves a sigh and ends up dragging the mazoku behind her* In you go!  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Back on stage…)  
  
Zel: *Grins like mad* Finally! He's finally gonna get some of his own treatment! *Evil laughter*  
  
Amelia: Zelgadis-san! That is unjust!! *Strikes a justice pose by jumping onto her chair* No living creature should be tortured in any way!! And I Amelia, princess of Saillune will see that it is so!!  
  
Filia: *Lifts an eyebrow* Is he considered as a living creature? I mean… does he have a heart?  
  
Amelia: *Blinks* I… err… dunno… *Sweatdrop* Even if he isn't… it's still unjust… right?  
  
Filia: *Shrug* Let him suffer a little! *Evil grin* It is only just, 'cause he has made many suffer!! ^-^  
  
Amelia: Angel-san, don't you think you've gone over the… *Sweatdrops when she sees her dancing and paying no attention whatsoever* Angel-san? You listening?  
  
DFA: Nope! Sha la la la la!! *Continues to dance and sing*  
  
Zel: Leave her at it, Amelia. Look, the fruitcake's in the classroom, this is going to be interesting! *Evil grin*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (In the classroom)  
  
Xellos: *Sweatdrop as he thinks* 'Why the hell does everyone always wanna see in trouble? No fair! The world's against me!' *Pouts while he lets his head drop during the lesson to which he is paying absolutely no attention* 'Stupid Angel-san…'  
  
Teacher: Xellos!! Are you with us?! Pay attention!  
  
Xellos: *Snaps out of la-la land* Huh? Oh! I mean… yeah! Sure I am! *Big innocent smile*  
  
Teacher: *Rolls eyes in a yeah-right way* Ok, then you won't mind telling us about the great war, right?  
  
Xellos: Of course I'll tell you! I'm a great expert on it! n_n It happens that I've lived through it. *Puffs with pride* The war of The Monster's fall was when… (Bla bla bla) … and that's why it was such a great war! *Smiles*  
  
Teacher: *Blinks* War of The Monster's fall? *Heaves a sigh* If you would have been paying attention you would have noticed that the great war is World War I … not that made up war you've been talking about! *Frowns as she talks to the entire class* Class, thank your companion Xellos, thanks to him we are all going to do a fun history exam.  
  
Class: *Groan and glare at the mazoku, who sweatdrops heavily*  
  
Xellos: Oops?  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Stage)  
  
Filia: *Giggles her head off* Teehee!! It was about time! Stupid Namagomi!! Sending him there was a great idea!!  
  
Mina-san: *Nod*  
  
Lina: An exam? Wonder what he's gonna write… he has no idea of history, al least that world's history, am I wrong?  
  
DFA: *Has sat down again and is looking at the ball* Hush! Look! He's writing!  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Exam)  
  
Xellos: *Looks at exam paper and pales as he thinks* 'Oh no… what the hell am I supposed to write?!' *Panics and sweats* 'I want out of here!! Now!!' *Glances to his right in an attempt to peek at his partner's exam, who glares at him an covers it up* 'Stupid human… won't let me take a little peek…' *Continues staring blankly at paper till a light bulb shine on top of his head and he grin* 'Ooooh… n_n I know what to write!!' *Scribbles on paper a four word phrase and smirks* 'Finished!! Now to wait for the rest!'  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Stage)  
  
Amelia: He didn't just write down what I think he has, right?  
  
Lina: *Nods* He did…  
  
Amelia: But the exam is supposed to be a 600 word long essay about the cold war!! *Points at crystal ball* Does he real think he's gonna get away with it?  
  
DFA: Hush!! Let's find out!  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Back at the exam… time is up)  
  
Teacher: *Picks up exams and reaches Xellos* Your exam? *Holds out hand*  
  
Xellos: Here!! *Gives her his answer paper and grins* n_n  
  
Teacher: *Looks at paper and blinks* Xellos… you haven't answered the question.  
  
Xellos: Yes I have! *Points to the four words* Look! *Reads out loud* Sore wa himitsu desu!!  
  
Teacher: *Sweatdrops* It was supposed to a 600 word long essay… and you've only written 4 words… which aren't even in English…  
  
Xellos: *Grin*  
  
Teacher: *Is about to say something when the bell interrupts her*  
  
Xellos: *Takes the chance to stampede out to playground with the rest* FREE!!!  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Stage)  
  
Filia: I can't believe it… he got away with it! *Tails pops in irritation* That wasn't a torture Angel-san!!! *Glares at DFA* MAKE HIM SUFFER!!!!  
  
DFA: *Sweatdrops* Fi… calm down… the best in still to come… don't worry! Cool down!! *Drops a bucket of cold water on her and grins* There! You feeling better?  
  
Filia: No… just more wet… *Glare*  
  
Zel: *Was watching the crystal and takes away gaze from it to roll his eyes at the two girls* Knock it off! I can't hear a thing with you two! *Grumbles something about women*  
  
Lina: Filia? I think you should see this! *Points at crystal*  
  
DFA: *Looks at crystal and giggles* See? Told ya the best was still to come!  
  
Filia: *Blinks at image before her* The Namagomi has… fan girls? *Picks up crystal and shakes it* At him girls!!! Oh yeah!! You almost have him!! Sick em!!! *Swishes tail from side to side and giggles*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Playground)  
  
Xellos: HELP!!! *Currently running around and followed by a bunch who's idea of fun is torturing boys* I said help!!!  
  
DFA's voice: What? You're not having fun? You're popular Xelly! You should be happy!  
  
Xellos: Angel-san!! Get me outta here! NOW!!! *Looks back at girls as he runs* I'm too young to die in hands of some girls!!!! PLEASE!!!!!  
  
DFA's voice: Did I just here you say please? ^-^  
  
Xellos: Yes!! I'm sorry!! Really!  
  
DFA's voice: Really? Say pretty please!  
  
Xellos: Angel-san!!!  
  
DFA's voice: Ooook… with one condition though! *Xellos suddenly disappears from playground, leaving girls to blink, then shrug and finally, to run after some other boy*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Stage)  
  
Lina: Hey! Where did he go? He disappeared! *Pokes crystal ball* It's broken… dumb thing…  
  
Amelia: Angel-san, the crystal's broken! It won't show Xellos-san!  
  
DFA: *Currently glomping a purple kitty who's sweatdroping heavily and sighing* Cuttey!! *Looks at Amelia* Oh, it's not broken! ^-^ I let Xellos out! *Hugs kitty*  
  
Filia: Aww… I was having fun… *Pout*  
  
DFA: Don't worry! *Evil grin* Now it's time for the audience to choose who's gonna be the next one to face his/her suicide mission AND what it's gonna be! *Giggle* Sooooo, the fun will continue!  
  
Mina-san minus DFA: *Groan* .  
  
DFA: *Tickles kitty's tummy who is grinning evilly at the rest of the gang while he snickers* Bye!! Don't forget to review and tell me who you want to be next and what you want his/her mission to be! By the way… Xel-kun is out till the rest of the gang is tortured… err… I mean, till the rest pass their mission, then he can be chosen again! *Waves hand to say good bye* ^0^ 


	2. Famine and children

Suicide mission   
By: Dark fire angel  
  
  
DFA: I'm back!! *Waves papers in air* And I've got the results of the audience's votes! *Smiles at the Slayers gang sweetly* I bet you can't wait to see who's next, huh?  
  
Mina-san minus Xellos: *Hides when DFA walks in*  
  
Xellos: Oh how nice! I get to watch someone get tortured! *Rubs hands* About time too... *Tries to peek at papers* Angel-san, let me see! Let me see! I wanna know who's next!!  
  
DFA: *Ignores Xellos and holds papers out of reach* Everyone come out now, or else... do you wanna know what 'or else' means?  
  
Mina-san: *Groan but come out of hiding places* -_-  
  
DFA: Much better! *Smile* And now to tell you who's gonna go next ^-^ *Coughs and reads from papers* Lina and Filia are tied with three votes each!!! They'll face their suicide missions next! *Claps hands and cheers*  
  
Lina: What?! *Red aura appears around her* They voted me next?! No way!  
  
Filia: *Drops to floor* Oh no... *Looks at DFA with a terrified expression on her face* What are you gonna make us do, Angel-san?  
  
Zelgadis and Amelia: *Sigh, grin at each other and take their seats around the crystal ball to wait* Thank the gods...  
  
Xellos: *Grins evilly and hovers above Filia* The little Dragon is a scardy cat? *Giggles* Scardy cat! Scardy cat! Nah nah! I passed my mission!! Now it's your turn!! Ha! *Pokes her* Poor lil Dragon... n_n *Grin widens* Oh boy, I am SO gonna enjoy this!  
  
DFA: *Sweatdrops at Xel* Ahem... anyhow *Turns to Lina* For this mission I'm gonna pair you up with Gourry, so don't worry, you won't be alone, *Smiles while Lina blinks and looks at Gourry who's currently poking the crystal ball* You wanna know what you gotta do? *Lina shakes head* You gotta do a 48 hour long famine! With Gourry too!! *Giggles* Wonder which of you two will go nuts first ^-^  
  
Lina: *Groans* I told you I didn't wanna know... *Sighs and sits down on chair* So, how are you gonna prevent us from eating?  
  
DFA: *Evil grin* If you dare so much as LICK or TOUCH food, let's just say it'll have very interesting consequences. On both of you!  
  
Gourry: *Comes up* What did I do?  
  
Lina: *Hits him* Jellyfish brains! *Sighs* Come... I'll explain to you, and you're not gonna like it...  
  
Gourry: *Rubs head* What was that for? *Blinks* What am I not gonna like, Lina? *Gets dragged off into a corner by Lina so she can explain*  
  
Filia: *Attempts to tiptoe away without making sound*  
  
Xellos: *Sees her* Angel-san!!! Fi-chan is trying to escape!! *Points at her and grins*  
  
Filia: *Stops dead and turns around very slowly to face him, fangs bared and tail swishing from side to side in irritation* Why you!! NAMAGOMI!!! How dare you tattle tale on me!! *Swings mace-sama and misses* Stay still!! I'm trying to hit you!!  
  
Xellos: Nope! *Teleport away each time she swings* Free violence, I love it! n_n  
  
DFA: *Puts herself in between both non-humans* Stop!! Fi! Don't kill him! I can't set you your suicide mission if you kill him! *Waves hands*  
  
Xel and Fi: *Both stop* Huh? What do you mean?  
  
DFA: *Releases a sigh* Uff... *Looks at them* You see, I'm gonna pair you both up for this next mission! *Ducks a flying mace*  
  
Filia: No way!!!  
  
Xel: n_n Might be fun! *Looks at Fi* Can I be on top?  
  
Filia: Aaaaaah!!! *Manges to hit him with tail* HENTAI!!! Angel-san! No! I wont do it!!!  
  
DFA: *Sweatdrops* This fic is PG, remember? No lemons Xelly...  
  
Xel: *Picks himself off of ground and pouts* Aww... you're no fun Angel-san... *Suddenly remembers that the mission is still to be st* So, what do we have to do?  
  
DFA: ^-^ You both gotta take care of Val! For two whole days!! BOTH of ya! Together! *Giggles*  
  
Fi: But Val hasn't hatched yet...  
  
DFA: *Snaps fingers and a little 1 year old Val appears in her arms* Hiya little guy! *Giggles* Aww... what a cute little guy... *Tickles under his chin, making the Ancient gurgle happily* ^-^  
  
Fi: *Blinks* Val... *Rushes over and grabs him* Val-chan! You've hatched!! *Hugs him*  
  
Xel: *Fronws at DFA* No way... I'm too young to be a father... I'm no one's father *Glare* No...  
  
DFA: *Snaps fingers again and Fi, Xel and Val disappear* Ha! Let's see if they can make it! *Sits with Zel and Ame to watch crystal as Lina and Gourry come to take their seats too*  
  
Zel: I don't get it Angel-san... where's the torture for the fruitcake and Filia? Taking care of a kid ain't that difficult.  
  
DFA: The torture is that they have to do it together *Snickers* Have you some kind of idea of how difficult it is for them to do anything together? This is gonna be fun! *Waves hand and crystal lights up, showing Fi and Xel in a house*  
  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (In the house)  
  
  
*Wails can be heard and Fi can be seen rushing up and down*  
  
Fi: Namagomi mazoku!!! This mission was set to you too!! Get to work!! Help me!!! *Hurries into the kitchen to fetch some food for Val*  
  
Xel: You must be jocking, Fi-chan! This is great! I get a free snack, and I don't have to move a finger to get it! n_n *Hovers above Val and smirks*  
  
Fi: *Glare-of-death at Xel before picking up Val from the floor and giving him some milk* Lousy mazoku... *Eyes suddenly widen and she smiles as an idea hits her* Val-chan, don't you think it's a beautiful day today? Look! Birds are singing! Life is wonderful!!   
  
Xel: *Blinks* ...  
  
Fi: *Turns to Xel as she sets Val on the ground* Don't you think it's so, Xel-KUN? It's wonderful to be alive today! *Eyes gleem when she sees Xellos pale visibly* I love my life! Everything is wonderful!! *Dances around Xel chanting 'life is wonderful' over and over again*  
  
Xel: *Pales LOTS* Humm...  
  
Fi: Xelly-kun!! *Glomps the startled mazoku and snickers under her breath* Life is great when I'm with you!!  
  
Xel: *Green replaces his previous pale like state* I think... I'm... *Holds hands over mouth as he runs out of the room* Bathroom!!! I need the bathroom!!! *Locks himself into said room*  
  
Fi: *Brushes herself off while she gazes towards the bathroom door with a self satisfied expression on her face* Ha! Got him! He even forgot to teleport ^-^ *Picks Val up and heads towards kitchen*  
  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Back on stage)  
  
  
DFA: Uff... wow... poor Xellos... *Sweatdrops as she gazes towards Zel* So, how's the score so far?  
  
Zel: Humm... let me check *Looks at tally chart* 5 to 8 for the Fruitcake... rats! Filia is behind! She had better think up some other prank to play on him soon!   
  
Amelia: I think Filia-san will do just fine, she'll be able to handle him! *Justice pose on chair* Good will always prevail!! No matter what!!  
  
DFA: Yeah, well... whatever... what do you think, Lina? *Turns and finds her and Gourry's chair unoccupied* Huh? Where did they go?  
  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Studio's kitchen)  
  
  
Lina: *Licks lips as she stares at a table filled with food* Oooh... yummy!! *Advances towards it till Gourry stops her*  
  
Gourry: Lina! That strange winged girl said we couldn't eat! She said it would have strange consequences!!   
  
Lina: To hell with Angel-san!!! I wanna eat!! I NEED to eat!! *Launches herself at food, and the moment she touches it, her body becames that of... a cow...* Moo?! *Blinks* MOO!!!  
  
Gourry: Lina? That you? *Pokes Lina-cow* Gee... told ya it wasn't a good idea...  
  
Lina: *Manages to glare* Moo... MOO!!! *Opens mouth and a fireball shoots out*  
  
Gourry: Cough... cough... *Extra-crispy* X_x  
  
Lina: *Grabs Gourry by neck of shirt with mouth and begins to drag him back towards stage* Mooo... *Vein popping*  
  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Back with Xel and Fi... and disaster...)  
  
  
Xel: *Partially recovered and now sitting and drinking tea* Fi-chan... that wasn't nice... ¬_¬  
  
Fi: *Smiles* Aww... really? I only wanted to be nice Xel-KUN!  
  
Xel: *Twitch* Mmmm... not funny...  
  
*Val blinks and looks from one adult to the other, then gurgles and giggles happily*  
  
Fi: *Picks him up* Nice Val-chan! *Tickles him and makes him giggle some more till she hears the door bell ring* Here, *Hands baby to Xellos* Take care of him while I go see who it is.  
  
Xel: *Takes baby* Why can't I go? *Fi rolls eyes for all answer as she hurries out of kitchen to answer door, while Xel focuses his attention on Val, who is drooling* My my! Aren't we icky and slimy! *Bouces knees and baby gurgles* n_n Bouncey!   
  
Fi: *Blinks from doorway when she returns from front door but doesn't come in and instead watches Xellos and Val* ...  
  
Xel: Cute lil fellow, aren't ya? *Smiles at baby*  
  
Val: *Reaches towards his hair and pulls at it* Xel-daddy! Xel-daddy! *Smiles*  
  
Xel: *Blinks* Huh?  
  
Fi: *Suddenly bursts out laughing as she enters* Xel-daddy... good one! *Takes Val away from Xellos whilst she smirks* You should have seen your face Namagomi!  
  
Xel: *Still doing 'blink blink'* Huh?!  
  
Fi:Come on Val-chan! You look tired, lets get you to bed while Xel-daddy recovers*Snickers as she leaves room to put Val to his crib, for it's getting late*  
  
Xel: -_- I'm not his daddy... I'm too young... *Depresses himself at a far away corner*  
  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Stage)  
  
  
Zel: Too young? Where does he think he lives? In happy-go-lucky land? Too young... if he's young I'm a new born baby.  
  
Ame: *Starry eyed* Aww... that's so sweet, Zelgadis-san!! *Glomps Zel* If you're a new born baby I'll take care of you! ^0^ *Giggles while Zel blushes and sweatdrops*  
  
DFA: *Rolls eyes* Ame... knock it off... *Turns when she hears a moo-like sound coming from back stage* What the... *Blinks and snickers when she sees Lina-cow drag an unconscious Gourry back on stage*  
  
Lina: *GLARE* Moooo...  
  
Mina-san minus DFA and Gourry: O.o!!  
  
DFA: Told ya to stay away from food Lina-chan! ^-^ Don't worry, the effect passes soon.  
  
Lina: *Puff of smoke surrounds her and when it disperses she's back to normal* Angel-san... that went too far... I'm mad!!! Fire ball!! *Shoots at DFA who dodges*  
  
DFA: ^-^ Fireballing me won't get you any where, Lina-chan! You'll have to go through your mission like Gourry!  
  
Gourry: X_x  
  
DFA: *Sweatdrop* Humm... Ame? Mind recovering him a bit? *Ame does so and DFA goes back to staring at crystal* What are they doing now?  
  
Zel: *Points at crystal* They just discovered there's one bed in the house... one bed and no sofas...  
  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Bedroom of house... one crib and one bed... trouble)  
  
  
Fi and Xel: One bed... *Look at each other then at bed again*  
  
Xel: *Broad smile* I'll keep the bed!! *Teleports himself into bed with purple pajamas and smirks at Fi* You're always welcome if you wanna come in, you know! n_n *Snicker* What's keeping you? I'm waaaaaaiiiiiting!!  
  
Fi: *Blush* No way!!! Hentai!! *Does not move an inch as she looks around room in an attempt to find a solution* No... *Looks up at ceailling* ANGEL-SAN!!! I'm not doing it!!!  
  
Xel: Why not? It'll be fun! Then we can go and tell the rest of the dragons that are still alive, and we'll have a party, and... *Begins to ramble as he peeks on Fi out of the corner of a semi-closed eye*  
  
Fi: *Crosses arms over chest* I'd rather sleep standing, thank you very much!!  
  
Xel: Fine n_n *Yawns and makes himself comfortable in bed as he wills light out*  
  
Fi: *Left standing on floor in the dark* ...  
  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Stage)  
  
  
DFA: *Switches crystal ball out*  
  
Zel: HEY!! I was watching that!  
  
DFA: Don't worry Zelly, I'll switch it back on in a while, but now I need audience to vote! *Whispers at audience* Xel and Fi still have a day to go... and Lina and Gourry are still on famine... Zelly and Ame are next to come, what should they do? ^-~   
  
Ame and Zel: We heard that... ¬_¬  
  
Lina: I heard it too... *Looks wishfully at banquet table which is less than a few meters from her* Aww... I'm hungry!!  
  
DFA: *Sweatdrops* Gourry ain't that bad off, now is he? Gourry? *Looks for him till she finds a yellow haired duck with blue eyes eating up the food the banquet* GOURRY!!!  
  
Lina: *Sees him too and grabs him before he can eat any more* Hey! No fair!! *Hits Gourry-duck over head* Jellyfish... er... I mean duck brain!!  
  
Gourry: *Rubs back of head with wings* Quack... *Twiddles wing feathers* ...  
  
DFA: Anyhow... I'll be back soon, but... I need reviews!! I need a suitable mission for Zelly and Ame!! *Grins* Can't wait to have everyone doing something...  
  
Zel and Ame: *Glare* WE HEARD YOU!! ¬o¬   
  
DFA: Whatever!! ^-^ Bye for now! *Waves at audience and stage becomes pitch-black* 


	3. A human WHAT?!

Suicide Mission By: Dark fire angel  
  
DFA: Mua ha ha ha!!!! *Maniacal laughter* Here I am again!! And the audience has thought up a mission for Ame-chan and Zelly!! ^0^  
  
Ame & Zel: O.o ECK!! *Both try to hide behind each other, but they fail miserably and they end up falling on top of each other* . Oops.  
  
DFA: *Rolls eyes* Ok, I'll say both your missions, and then I'll watch Filly and Xelly to see how they're doing.  
  
Zel: *Groan* Angel-san, why do we have to do it? I dun wanna!!! .  
  
Lina: *Currently a red bunny-rabbit, glares at Zel, and then holds up a sign that says 'If I gotta go through this horror, it's only fair that you do too!!'*  
  
Ame: *Justice pose* Do not worry, Zelgadis-san!! Love and justice will conquer all! Everywhere! There is no way that we will fail!  
  
DFA: . Ame-chan? I suggest you DON'T do those speeches after I set you your mission, 'cause if you do, well. let's just say you won't enjoy the consequences.  
  
Ame: Huh?! I can't justice speech?! WHY?! *Wails*  
  
Zel: Angel-san, tell us the mission so we can get over with it, and stop being mean to Amelia. *Glare*  
  
DFA: Ok, ok. hold your horses *Watches Amelia continues wailing and sweatdrops* Let's see. Ame-chan, you'll be a mazoku for two days, and Zel you get to be human and accompany her for those two days ^-^  
  
Ame: O.O I dun wanna be a mazoku!!! *Begins running around like mad* NO WAY!!! NO FAIR!!! *Goes into a darkened corner and sulks big time*  
  
Zel: *Blink blink* My suicide mission is that I have to be human?! *Does a victory sign and smirks* YES!! Ha!!  
  
DFA: *Currently sweatdroping like mad* Hum. glad you like your mission, Zel- kun. *Snaps fingers, both Ame and Zel disappear*  
  
Gourry: *Brushing Lina-rabbit's ears* So. what do we do now? *Ties a pink bow on one of Lina's ears* How about we eat? I'm hungry.  
  
DFA: *Switches crystal ball on again, then turns to Gourry* Unless you wanna end up in the form of another animal, I suggest you stay away from food. *Shrug* Your mission is almost over anyhow, so you'll get to eat soon enough, dun worry.  
  
Lina: *Sulks, holds up a sign that says 'I dun like being a stupid rabbit .'*  
  
DFA: Whatever. *Turns to crystal* Time to see Filly and Xelly!! *Coo* Then we'll watch Ame and Zelly ^0^ *Dances around stage* God!! This is so much fun!!  
  
Lina: *Sweatdrops, holds another sign 'Oh yeah. lots of fun, she gets to torture us and we can't do anything about it. FUN .'*  
  
Gourry: Be still Lina! I can't fit you in this dress if you don't stay still!! *Currently trying to dress Lina-bunny up*  
  
Lina: O.o *Holds up sign 'DRESS?!'* Kya! Kya!!! *Throws sign at Gourry and runs off*  
  
Gourry and DFA: *Blink blink* Oh well. *Both turn to crystal*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Fi's still sulking in the dark, Xel still sleeping tight in her bed .)  
  
Fi: *Twitch twitch* Stupid mazoku. *Grumble* My bed. *Growl* Namagomi. I'll get you for this. *Currently glaring at Xel who is peacefully asleep in her bed*  
  
Xel: Zzzzzz. *Turns* Zzzzz. *Mumbles in sleep* Fi-chan no come into bed? *Snore*  
  
Fi: *Mayor twitch* Actually I will!!! *Jumps on bed and throws Xel out of it so that he lands on the floor with a mayor 'THUMP'* Ha! Take that, you mean, dirty thinking mazoku!! This bed is mine!! *Curls and hides under the covers*  
  
Xel: *Blink blink* HEY!!! I was sleeping there! *Pout* Selfish dragon. we could share. I dun wanna sleep on the floor. *Glares at her through the darkness of the room*  
  
Fi: *Hides more under covers and fakes being asleep* Zzzzz. *Mumbles under breath* I'll never share a bed with you.  
  
Xel: *Twitch* Fine, have it your way! *Gets up, grabs the bed and throws it out the window* If you don't wanna share then you can keep that stupid bed!!! There! All yours! *Snaps fingers and a camping bed appears on the floor* I'll take this one. *Goes into it, closes eyes, falls asleep*  
  
Fi: *From outside* NAMAGOMI!!!!! The bed was new!!! Damn you!!!  
  
Xel: *Growls, snaps fingers and ear muffins appear* Stupid dragon. *Puts them on and resumes sleeping*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Back on stage. ¬-¬ )  
  
DFA: My my. *Nervous laughter* At least they haven't wrecked the house up yet.  
  
Lina: *Back to normal, taking the pink bow off of her hair* That's the key word, Angel-san, YET *Pulls on the bow* Damn piece of ribbon!! It won't come out!! *Pulls hard on it*  
  
DFA: Let me help. *Takes the bow off* Better?  
  
Lina: *Sulk* No. I'm still hungry, and I wanna eat, and I think I'm gonna die T-T I dun wanna go on with this mission!!! *Grabs DFA by collar and shakes her* I want this to end now!! RIGHT NOW!!!!  
  
DFA: O.o *Gets shaken* Lina-chan. *Shake* Stop. *Shake* It!! *Shake*  
  
Gourry: *Grabs DFA away and sighs* Lina, dun worry so much. The mission is almost over. *Pats her on the head as if she still were a lil bunny* Plus, I think you looked cute as a bunny *Smile*  
  
Lina: *Blush* . *Turns away and pokes the crystal* Where are Zel and Amelia now? *Continues to poke at crystal* Angel-san, I think that the mission you set Zel wasn't as horrible as mine! . That's not fair! If I gotta suffer, everyone should suffer!  
  
DFA: *Peeks from behind Gourry and waves her hand at the crystal so that it will show Ame and Zel* I think Zel-kun's mission is more torturing than yours, Lina. see? *Points at images appearing on crystal* Check it out! *Snicker*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Random city street, we find a justice-loving mazoku and a.. human Zel .)  
  
Ame: *Looks at herself, clothes have been replaced by dark-similar-to- Xellos clothes, not to mention that her overall aspect is more sinister* I'm a. mazoku? *Blinks for a sec, then bursts out crying on the floor* BUUUUUUUUAAAA!!!! Mean Angel-san!!!!  
  
Zel: *Looks at Amelia and shakes his head* Oh come on Amelia, it can't be that bad. it's only for two days you know. *Smile* You'll live through it for sure!! *Actually feeling like singing the 'life is wonderful' song but doesn't*  
  
Ame: *Stops wailing and looks up at Zel* You thin- *Cuts herself off and her eyes go wide and she begins to look him up and down* WHA?! *Points at him* Zelgadis-san!!! Look!!! You're.. you're.. O.O  
  
Zel: Human? *Smile*  
  
Ame: Yeah but. you're a human. a human. *Can help but giggle* Oh my god!! This is so funny!!  
  
Zel: *Blink blink* What's so funny Amelia? I dun get it. I'm a human what?  
  
Ame: *Rolling on floor with laughter, manages to speak in between roars of laughter* You're a human GIRL!!! *Snicker* You're a girl!!!  
  
Zel: I'm a. WHAT?! *Runs to a near fountain and looks at his.err. her reflection* O.O I'm a girl. *Slides down onto the floor, depression lines around him*  
  
Ame: *Manages to calm herself down and sweatdrops* Zelgadis-san. *Currently debating whether she should tell him to stop depressing himself or not* Wow. Zelgadis-san!! You taste great!! *Smiles and stands up* Come on. like you said, it's only for two days! We'll make it, dun worry!! *Is enjoying the meal .*  
  
Zel: *MAYOR sulk*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Stage again ^0^ MIAU!!)  
  
Mina-san minus Gourry and DFA: O.o *Snicker*  
  
Gourry: Wow. that girl looks cute, what's her name Angel-san?  
  
DFA: *Smile* It's Zelgadis ^-^  
  
Gourry: She's called just like Zel!  
  
Lina: *Thumps him on the head* That's 'cause that girl IS Zel, you dumb, jellyfish brains!! *Looks at DFA* Ok, I take it back, he IS worse off than me. I think you went over the line, Angel-san .  
  
DFA: *Innocent smile* I said he'd be human for two days, but I didn't tell him if he'd be a boy or a girl! So I didn't cheat ^-^  
  
Lina: *Blinks then goes back to the crystal* Ooooook. remind me never to make you mad, Angel-san.  
  
DFA: *BIG smile* Whatever. lets see if Xelly and Filly are still alive *Waves hand, crystal changes scene*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Morning came and house is still there. . For how long? No one know.)  
  
Fi: *Has managed to put bed back in place, and is admiring her handy work* When the Namagomi threw the bed out the window, it landed on me. *Sweatdrop* So it didn't break. oh well, then I suppose it's not that bad *Sighs, takes fresh clothes out of a drawer and advances towards the bathroom whilst humming*  
  
Xel: *Rushes past her* I'll go in first!! n_n *Runs into bathroom, looks door behind him*  
  
Fi: *Blink blink* HEY!!!!! *Glare at door* I was going to use it! Come out!! I wanna take a shower now!!  
  
Xel: *Cracks door open a bit* Then please do! I was gonna take a shower too! If we both take it at the same time, less water will get used up! *Half opens an eye and smirks* So. you gonna come in?  
  
Fi: *Blinks for a sec before a light bulb flashes* Mmmmm. I think I will!! *Lets herself in*  
  
Xel: Huh? *Blink blink* HUH?!  
  
Fi: Awwwww. poor Xel-KUN is speechless? *Smile* He changed his mind? Oh well!! *Pushes him out of bathroom* Then wait outside, lil mazoku!! *Closes door behind her, snickers can be heard from inside*  
  
Xel: . Hey!! *Pout* I can still teleport in, you know!!  
  
Fi: *Sweet voice from inside* Try and I'll give you a nice, nice meal of positive emotions, Xel-kun!! *Sings under shower the 'life is wonderful' song*  
  
Xel: *Murmurs* Damn it. *Begins to stalk off to the kitchen when suddenly he hears Val cry* Wha? *He teleports into the room and watches Val trying to grab a teddy which he can't reach*  
  
Val: TEDDY!!!! *Tries to reach, can't*  
  
Xel: . All this for that stupid bear? *Doesn't move*  
  
Val: *Frowns at the teddy bear then suddenly erupts into high-pitched wails*  
  
Xel: *Winces* Ow!! *Puts hands over ears* Shut up!! I'll give you the bear!! Shut up!!! *Reaches for teddy and gives it to Val* There, you happy?  
  
Val: *Smile* Teddy!!  
  
Xel: Whatever. *Leaves and enters the kitchen* Mmmm. *Smirk* I think I'll make breakfast while Fi-chan is taking her shower!! *Runs around kitchen taking pots and tins* Breakfast will me mine!!!! *Stops* Wait. wrong phrase. I meant. *Cough cough* Revenge will be mine!!!! ^0^  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Stage! Again .)  
  
Lina: *Sweatdrop* He's good cook? Oh no. Filia's in big trouble.  
  
DFA: . *Says nothing*  
  
Lina: Angel-san? *Poke poke*  
  
DFA: . *Still says nothing*  
  
Lina: HEY!!! I'm talking to you!!! .  
  
DFA: Where's Gourry? I can't see him. *Still looking around* He said he was going to the bathroom, but he's been WAY to long, or so I think.  
  
Lina: *Blinks* I will.err. go look for him! BYE!! *Runs off to look for Gourry* DFA: *Shrug* Oh well, better see how Zel and Ame are doing!  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Two girls? O.o Wanna date?)  
  
Zel: *Walking down the street still with depression lines* How could Angel- san do this to me? I'm NOT a girl. *Sulk* And. *Looks at Amelia who is currently licking her lips and hovering by his side* Amelia? Will you please stop hovering?  
  
Ame: *Sweatdrop* I.err. *Drops and walks instead* Sorry. *Looks around* By the way, are you hungry?  
  
Zel: Huh? *Cocks head* Why?  
  
Ame: *Simply points at a nearby ice-cream stand* I want some!!  
  
Zel: *Thinks* Mmmmm. why not? *Walks over with Amelia, both order ice-cream and begin eating*  
  
Ame: Wow!! This is great! *Licks ice-cream till shopkeeper coughs*  
  
Shopkeeper: 4 gold pieces, please.  
  
Zel: *Blink blink* I. *Checks pockets and sweatdrops* I've no money.  
  
Ame: Then- *Gets cut off when two guys give the shopkeeper the money of the ice creams*  
  
Guy1: There! All paid! *Smile* So, you girls wanna come with us for a while?  
  
Cuy2: We'll have fun!  
  
Ame: A date you mean?  
  
Zel: *Twitch, vein popping* . *Grabs Amelia and hides her behind him* NO!! We dun wanna go! Now leave before I.... *Begins cursing while Amelia sweatdrops heavily from behind*  
  
Ame: Zelgadis-san. *Pulls on his sleeve* I don't think you should.  
  
Zel: . *Still cursing* GO AWAY!!!! Leave me alone!!!  
  
Guy1 and Guy2: O.o *Run off*  
  
Zel: *Pant* Damn it. I need some coffee now. *Storms off followed by a happy Amelia still licking her ice-cream*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (Fi's house. STILL standing .)  
  
Fi: *Hears noise from kitchen downstairs* What the...? *Manages to put on clothes and run downstairs, only to find both Xel and Val practically swimming in food* Aaaaaaah!!! What happened here?!  
  
Xel: Fi-chan! *Smile* We were bored, so we decided to make breakfast! *Holds up a plate at her* See?  
  
Fi: .o I will not eat that. *Shoves plate away*  
  
Xel: Why not? Val-chan already did!  
  
Val: *Gurgles, grabs more 'food' and eats it*  
  
Fi: O.o ECK!!! *Grabs Val and rushes out of kitchen* Oh no! My baby is poisoned! Oh my god!!!  
  
Xel: . It is NOT poison. *Kitchen suddenly explodes while all 3 are in the hall*  
  
Fi: *Glare* MY KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!  
  
Xel: *Sweatdrop* Oops. too much spice? *Before another argument can start, Fi, Xel and Val all get teleported away by DFA*  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ (On stage. DFA has company again ^0^)  
  
DFA: *Switches crystal off* Lina's and Gourry's mission ends in a minute. and as for Xel and Filly. *Points at a mad Dragon trying to laser-breath a fast, smirking mazoku* Their mission ended! So, who'll go next? Up to you!! Zel and Ame still have sometime to go! *Morphs into a blue, winged kitty* MIAU!!!! *Runs off leaving the stage empty* 


	4. Sorry

DFA: Really. believe me .o I'd love to continue this fic!! But it's not allowed anymore . it's chatroom style, ain't it? Ff.net won't allow it. But as I've received nags to continue it O_o *Hugs the nags* I will continue it on my web page ^-^ Yeah!! But the next update I gotta do is A curse for the better or for the worse.  
  
So really ^^;; It's not that I dun wish to continue it! It's that it got forbidden!! And I didn't wanna became an outlaw n.n;; Not yet!  
  
If you'd like to check for new update I'll direct you to;  
  
http://www.geocities.com/darku_fire_tenshi/ 


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